DOING BUSINESS WITH A BONER

My wife and I celebrated our 11th anniversary over the weekend. We did a little ‘staycation’ deal-e-o and got a hotel room in town for the night. It was a fun way to kick off year 12. Granted, it is not as nice as jetting overseas to a romantic sea-side French villa on the Mediterranean for the weekend but the odds of me ever having the extra cash flow to jet overseas to a romantic sea-side French villa on the Mediterranean for the weekend are pretty much slim to none. I mean, I could sell a kidney, knock off a bank or give up eating for a year but a few meals out and breakfast in bed at a nice local hotel a half hour from the house just seemed a bit smarter, easier and financially more sound.

I have had to go over to Europe on a business a couple of times this year but I was not able to smuggle my wife there in my luggage and either way I do not recall any romantic weekends at sea-side French villas on the itineraries. On one of those trips earlier this year I was walking with my boss around Basel Switzerland where I noticed a store across the street with a big, boldly written sign above the door and window that read ‘Boner’. Now this was not Amsterdam’s red light district, so I assumed something was lost in the translation versus it being a Brothel catering to English speakers.

My wife is very used to my sense of humor. She likely would not have been happy if we passed the big ‘Boner’ sign on the way to that sea-side French Villa on the Mediterranean because of all the jokes she would inevitably have to put up with hearing all weekend like ‘do think the Boner store has any stiff competition’ or “I sure had a hard time finding the Boner store’. Since I was with my boss it was a little different. I actually do occasionally try to be a little professional… kinda. Also earlier in the day when we passed a sign for a company called ‘Shinola’ he did not get my wise crack when I rhetorically asked if anyone there knew shit. I mentally debated making a vaguely inappropriate joke about the big ‘Boner’ sign. Of course I eventually did.

Later that day we happened by a storefront that had a beautiful clock in the window. I stopped to take a close look because my wife loves funky wall clocks and this one matched several others that we have adorning our tall vaulted ceiling clock-wall. Yes we have a tall vaulted ceiling clock wall. Well, actually two. (I was going to describe it but you might as will just come and visit.) My wife is particular about what type of clock will make the wall but after giving a few non clock-wall worthy clunkers that never made it, I actually started trying to be a good husband and actually pay attention so I now have a good idea of what she likes. And this one she would like.

There is that difficult delicate move you sometimes have to make when you blur business and pleasure. Interrupting the day’s activities during a business trip to say you want to get a beer at that great bar you just walked by is never a good move no matter how much you might want that beer. Interrupting the day’s activities to go to a brothel called Boner that caters to English speaking visitors is even worse. Interrupting the day’s activities to get a gift for you wife might make you look like a less seasoned traveler rube or even a bit whipped but it is still fairly acceptable in that situation and can even make you look like a good guy.

Admiring the clock in the window I opted to interrupt the day’s activities and announced that my wife would love that clock. I backed up to see the name of the store and I realized we had gone in a circle and was now across the street from where I previously stopped. In fact I was standing right in front of the shop with the big ‘Boner’ sign above it. Then my boss ended up making the inappropriate joke about Boner time. I knew it would not fit in my luggage so I tried to go in to discuss shipping it to the States but discovered the store was closed.

Turns out the Boner was bigger than I thought. Boner Elektrohaus was three stories tall and had several locations. It also turns out that Boner Elektrohaus was never open anytime I was free during the next 5 days of my stay in Basel; stores in Europe sometimes keep kind of loose hours. After failing on my last attempt I took a photo of the clock in the window and tried to contact them via e-mail when I got back to the States. I really wanted to try to get it quickly so I could use it as an anniversary gift in two months but I soon learned that was going to be tough. I finally exchanged a few letters with the store owner, Rolf Boner, who spoke very little English. Yes I was very happy to get a hold of Mr. Boner (pun intended).

After several trips to my bank due to miscommunication about their correct routing number, I was happy when Rolf told me “We received you money yes thank you much. We shipt the clock today by via priority post shipment no. CF 407 517 617 CH.” It did actually make it here intact and on time. And as of last weekend it is hanging on the vaulted ceiling clock-wall. It’s been less than a week but year 12 has been pretty good so far. Let’s hope it continues to be the year of the Boner.

CHECK OUT THE BONER.

CHECK OUT THE BONER.

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About mrdvmp

Mr DVMP spends his days breathing, eating and sleeping.
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3 Responses to DOING BUSINESS WITH A BONER

  1. Laura says:

    But where is a picture of the clock?

  2. Pnyllis Lewbel says:

    Yeah, what does the Boner Clock look like especially on the high vaulted clock wall???? Oh well, we’ll just have to come out there to see for ourselves!! ( I guess you come by it naturally, I don’t know anyone besides Dad and me who come across so many weird and wonderful things!!)

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